Weird timing

So last night on Dexter they had his baby receiving six month booster shots. I had just done this. And like Dexter, the woman giving the shots noticed that I was rather calm while the kid took the needle. Luckily I didn't spend my afternoon hunting down John Lithgow.

spoiling time?

Now at 6 months people are whispering that I'm somehow spoiling the baby. But I don't think so. She basically wants only three things: milk, clean diapers and to be held. I don't think you can truly spoil a child until she starts to using a desire of non-essential objects as a way to make you think she's giving you love back in exchange.

for now I'll give her all the attention she craves since i get the idea that as soon as she's able to do stuff, she'll want her space.

Halfway

It's been six months since Josie was born. I'm amazed that I've been able to last this long as a stay at home dad without being taken off to the looney bin.

What do you do for a 6 month birthday? Still 20 1/2 years before she get to buy me a beer.

well last night instead of being able to enjoy the turkey sleep, I was tortured by Josie. She teased us by going to sleep around 10 p.m. We thought it'd be an easy night. But by 1:30 a.m. - she was awake and whining. And she didn't fall back asleep until 4 a.m. Then she kept waking up every hour or so until we had to leave the mother-in-law's house at 9 a.m. since they were leaving for Florida. Gran wanted to take the baby along and I was tempted to wave bye bye to Josie on her way to the sunshine state. But I couldn't do it since I do enjoy being around Gran.

Bedtime Stories

I keep reading these tales of how babies will go to bed at 9 p.m. and wake up at 9 a.m. Really? Does this honestly happen or are they written by smarmy jokesters wanting to get my hopes up? I'd have more faith in these tales if they were written by Nigerians who would send me their baby's sleep pattern and I just need to send additional hours to an address in Canada.

I don't see the kid out by 1 a.m. with the smell of pie in the air.

My Child

While watching Funny People, i realized the kid rarely looked at the TV screen when Seth Rogen and Adam Sandler were on. I should have followed her advice.

Clip job

I took the baby to Carmen for her second haircut. The bangs were over the top of her eyes. It drove Becky nuts to not see the baby's stare. It was strange to sit in the barber chair with Josie in my lap. I can't remember the last time I got a real haircut. In the 90s, I bought a trimmer and later I just shaved it off so no need for a hairstylist. But there I was holding her and getting a lap full of hair. Now she has a new haircut for the holidays. i refrained from getting her any tinting. Don't want the kid to grow up too soon even if her hair is adult

Here's a quick note to parents thinking of what to register for - there's no need to list a heater for baby wipes unless you live in an igloo. The only think less necessary for a baby is a kegorator. Although a parent might need that.

You do need to get one of those extremely smelly candles they sell at Bath, Bed and Beyond. We've had ours for a few months and I think it does keep the poop odors down.

took the baby in for her six month check up and all is good. She's in the 75th percentile in size. I don't know if this fact will help her get into the right Manhattan Preschool.

Moving up the charts

No matter how strange of a dad I am to my child, I will never be as weird as the moron who only spoke to his child in Klingon for the boy's first three years.

'I was interested in the question of whether my son, going through his first language acquisition process, would acquire it like any human language." he said.

It is a human language. Does he really think Klingon was created by aliens? It was made up by showbiz people. Why not just teach the kid to speak in Pig Latin? Or ubbi dubbi? Or Romulan?

I guess it could be worse. He could have raised to kid to be a Jedi.

I just want my daughter to be able to give me a signal to let me know when she's pooped versus a loud fart. Maybe Pull my finger?

game or frustration

Josie enjoys crawling after my Incredibles min-basketball. Most of the time she gets a hand on it and it rolls toward me. I roll it back and we do this for quite a bit of time. Does she know we're playing a low impact version of catch? Or is she just getting more pissed off that I'm having as much fun with the ball as her?

fresh air

on unseasonably warm afternoon, I can open up the backdoor and let the smell of baby puke waft out into the neighborhood.

almost out

The big thing in the living room for the baby is a swing. When she first came home, she was so tiny in the seat. Now she's barely fitting. Probably another month and we'll have to ship it up to Bracey. Tom Thumb's parents had it pretty easy.

B-Day Wishes

It's my birthday and Josie gave me something from the heart - a mouth full of puke all over my sweater. She made it herself and that's what really counts in a gift.

Da Plane! Da Plane!

Watching a DVD of the original Fantasy Island. Josie looks over at the screen when Herve Villechaize talks. I'll probably have to adopt his accent to get her attention. Also this makes me fear that her favorite Bond will be Roger Moore since she'll want to see "Man with the Golden Gun" to get more Herve action.

first gift

tomorrow my birthday and I swear the baby has already gone online and ordered my a tie.

Untitled Baby Photos by Cindy Sherman

punishment

instead of timeouts, I shall punish her with Zone outs. for 10 minutes, I'll act like I'm childless. a career of slacker jobs and screaming bosses has given me the talent to just stop listening to people and focus on what to eat for dinner,

that noise

the baby talks although I can't figure out if she's making words or merely mocking my language

A New One

snoresville

half the time when Josie falls asleep on me during the day, I just let her slumber in my arms. She's still the right size to sleep with her head cradled in my elbow and legs draped over my lap. While some may say that this is somehow spoiling her, I semi-disagree. I know that with her next bouts of growth spurts, she's going to hang off me like a cheap Romanian suit. And as I juggle body parts to get her into the crib, I'll wax nostalgic to a time when she didn't weigh like a sack of potatoes. Why screw up the moments I'm going to remember since the alternative is merely me typing with two hands on the computer. I can type with one for a little bit longer so she can enjoy another nap using dad as a heated mattress.

while the baby hasn't quite figured out how to crawl, she's rather good at getting around on the floor. Guess I need to find a new place for my Hummel collection.

yuck

Soon we'll post video of the baby not liking the mushy string beans. She had that "are you serious" look between the yuck face.

We finally bought a car that's big enough for a baby. well big enough for us to put the stroller in the trunk and not through with the packing.

Call Johnny Gage

I left the room and the baby accidentally ingested a Bon Jovi video. should i induce vomiting or scrub her eyes?

Does this mean I have to give up my "World's Greatest Dad" coffeecup?

Double Wrapped

because of the cold, we're sticking Josie inside a onesie and then a space suit. She's kinda the Turducken of babies.

That smell

It's not good to begin cooking while still in Mr. Mom mode. I bent over to put the pork roast into the pre-heated oven when my nose sensed something is wrong. The drool cloth had fallen off my shoulder and onto the red hot oven element. Ah! luckily it had only little flames on it so I could quickly beat it out and toss it in the sink. The smell of burning cloth diapers will not replace Ax Bodyspray or that stuff Hooters waitress bathe in.

Guess we need to buy more drool clothes on our next trip to BabysRus.

a year plus

It was last Oct. 28 that I got the call from Becky that I was going to be a father. And 7 months later, I was a father.

They say a child will change your life and it's rather true. They're so damn needy so you have to constantly keep an eye on them. You'd figure after all this time, they'd know how to make their milk bottle. How hard is it to put a 4 scoops, fill with water and shake? 5 months and the kid still gives me that "can you do it" plea - or scream at the top of her lungs. I guess if making the kid a bottle is spoiling, I'm a spoiling dad.

Fall Back

During a daylight's savings notice, anyone who said, "We get an extra hour of sleep" obviously doesn't have a baby in the house."

Babies don't give a crap about what time it's supposed to be. Their internal clock is your infernal clock.