Mall Girl

The wife, her mother and grandmother took Josie to the mall this afternoon for a little shopping trip. I swear I smelt Orange Julius on her breath.

Teasing The Baby

Twice we took the baby out for lunch and dinner and both times it was a seafood joint. She had to sit there and watch me eat shrimp without a single one going in her mouth. Damn people who know better saying I shouldn't give her seafood until she's old enough to fish or dangle off a hook as bait.

Ouch

Cats and babies have the same idea on how to walk you up - put their paws on your face.

I'm that old?

The Manchester City - Liverpool game is on. So for fun I go to youtube to pull up the Stone Roses video of "Fools Gold." She's dancing around when it strikes me that this song is way old. How old? If my parents had been playing Rock Around the clock when I was her age - Fools Gold would still be an older song by a several years.

In order to not feel too old in my taste, I hunted down Kei$a's Tik-Tok although I'm not sure what she means by only wanting guys who look like Mick Jagger. Which Mick Jagger? The young guy of "Satisfaction." the satin shirt guy of the Mick Taylor era. Or the elderly guy who only looks young by hanging next to a shirtless Keith Richards?

Why would you think that?

So I mention that I'm a stay at home dad and this person asks, "So you change her diapers?" I told them nope. Either I just let her sit around for 10 hours until the wife gets home or if it gets too stinky, I take her down to the mall and ask some nice lady to take the baby into the restroom to change her diaper - cause what's a dad know about diapers.

So Limited

While scanning the baby food jars at the Harris-Teeter, I noticed how limited they are in offerings. Not one jar listed Babyback Ribs, Lobster Newberg or Chilled Monkey Brains. How am I supposed to raise a child on mushy peas

what would be next

She's getting big, but I can still put her into "hat timeout" when necessary. Basically I just balance her on top of my head for a few seconds. She calms down. But what will I do when she gets too much for my neck. Maybe I should hire a former offensive lineman to borrow his head.

the curse

Last night I felt a certain fear of admitting she was sleeping through the night. Like telling a pitcher in the 8th inning that she's throwing a no hitter, I feared last night would be a darkness of a 1,000 screams. But instead Josie went to bed around 9 a.m. and didn't wake up until 7 a.m. We didn't even have to get up once to put a hand on her. Guess she's catching onto the concept that she isn't supposed to watch Three's Company at 3 a.m.

While I feared I'd miss the wake ups, the sad fact is I've slept through such sentimental moments.

It's working!

For the fifth straight night the baby has been to bed before the Colbert Report. Well she's been to bed before 9:30 p.m. What's more amazing is how much better I feel in the morning from her being on a real schedule.

what's for dinner

always remember what you've fed the baby the day before so you won't be in shock when changing the diaper and then realize it was the strained carrots.

and this is how a memory is made

while sitting in her bedroom reading her a book, it strikes me: someday Josie will say, "When I was a little girl, my father...." I am responsible for making sure that her stories of time when she first begins to remember are worth retelling and giving her a proper moment of nostalgia.

Baby Bottle Massacre

last night was rough as the baby decided to wake up at 3:30 a.m. and keep me up until five a.m. So I'm not quite wide awake. When we get back from shopping, I decide to boil a bunch of baby bottle nipples and the tops to sterilize them. I put them in the pot, set it on high and go in the other room for a minute. The baby is still asleep in her carrying seat. It's so quiet that I just exhale and accidentally take a nap. I wake up to the sound and smell of a catastrophe.

I haven't seen something that nasty in a pot since the junior high cafeteria soup day. The good news is that I was able to save the pot. The weird news is that we'll be upgrading the baby's bottles which is probably a good thing form all the nasty reports I've read about plastics that get used a multiple time.

The smell wasn't so bad since it worked against the nasty pine scenter device that was given to us for Christmas. It leaked under the bathroom sink cabinet.

Away She Goes

we went out to dinner for our friend's birthday. She brought her older baby so we brought Josie. As Josie watched the other baby roaming the floor after the meal, she must have been taking notes. All she has done today is wanted to hold onto things and test her balance. So far she's been hitting her butt like Ric Flair coming off the top ring rope. I fear she'll figure out this walking business by the start of March. It will be March Madness for me.

stand up

The baby now grabs people and pulls herself up on us. She still can't walk so it makes the process tricky since she can't be a tag along pal. I'm becoming more and more of her "walking" therapist. I ought to wear white while training her to put one foot in front of the other and stay in balance.

Step On

The baby has a snotty nose so the mother-in-law bought her baby Vick's rub. Holding Josie in my arms, my first reaction was "Aren't you too young for a Happy Mondays' concert?"

so i get an email declaring:
51 moms will win a trip to Washington, D.C. for the first annual Mom Congress on Education and Learning conference this May!

Why do mom's get a Congress on education? Don't I count? Somehow a stay-at-home dad has no drive for their child's education? Dad's are only good for checkbooks to pay for private school? This is just vulgar alienation in order to justify a cute experience. These are probably the mother's of girls that will get $1,200 tickets for Taylor Swift.

missing her

The Mother-in-law calls semi-unexpectedly at 3 p.m. to let me know that she was coming over to get Josie and watch her till Friday. Seeing how it had recently snowed and was rather nasty outside, I figured she wasn't coming. I almost wanted to just keep the baby, but it turns out she's calling from the road and is a few blocks away. I scurry around getting stuff ready for a few days at grandma's house.

The baby gives me that stare of "what the hell is the point of you not packing?" When grandma arrives, the baby isn't happy. She's crying as pack up her bottles. And I really feel bad. I hold her knowing it'll be a few days until she sees me again.

Normally I'm not this emotional about passing her off, but she's finally saying "mama" and "dada." Lately she's been saying a lot of "mama" since Becky's been away since Sunday. It's strange explaining things to her when I'm not quite sure what she means with her noises. But it doesn't hurt to act like we're talking.

I caught myself wanting to go upstairs to check the crib to see why she's quiet.

But deep down, I need a good night's sleep that ends when I'm damn well ready to wake up.

Eye on the sky - hands free and open

now I'm Josie's father and spotter. She likes to use the coffeetable to get up. I can no longer sit and watch since there's a chance she'll do a header. I keep a hand or foot near hear to bring her down easy if she goes down.