Babyseat Driver

While driving out to visit the folks for dinner, we got stuck in a traffic jam. I swear the baby was screaming that if she had the wheel, we could get out of this mess faster. She has the scream of Sgt. Carter.

heresy

There are just way too many TV shows aimed at little kids. There are just way too many cable channels. This can't be good to placate kids at their level. My parents and their peers joked about TV being a boobtube babysitter, but outside of Sesame Street and Mister Rogers, most of the crap I watch was intended for older audiences. We had to have a little bit of a mature sense of entertainment. Adam West's Batman was my favorite show at age 5 and it wasn't intended for me.

Sure they claim the shows are educational, but they create a 24/7 womb of targeted visuals. Everything plays at their level. I still like watching Sesame Street because the writers understand that adults are also watching. They make jokes that a 3 year old won't even come close to getting. What 3 year old knows about Groucho Marx on You Bet Your Life (outside of my future 3 year old)?

smile

Bob Probert lives on in my baby's jack-o-lantern smile

Brains!!!!

after feeding the baby a handful of frozen blueberries, I've noticed her mouth and cheeks now have this bluish glow that make her look like Zombie Baby. This might be a good Halloween costume if George Romero comes down.

how did my parents survive with phones that were connected to the wall?

Baby Badge

Some fathers are proud when their baby catches their first ball or plunks away on a musical instrument. I have a smile on my face since the baby picked up one of my old press passes and put it around her neck. She will take over my internet column in the distant future and learn the joy of review copies.

keep it simple

will diaper companies please stop getting too cute with the designs. As a dad, i can insure you that all I want on a diaper is to know what end is front. kids aren't that fashion conscious at 13 months.

Milk Mess

When you switch from formula to milk, remember to don't let the baby hide her old bottle. All must be accountable otherwise you'll pay for it the next morning.

Tell 'em the news

The baby and I went to the nearby farmer's market to pick up a friend's CSA share. I'm holding the baby in one arm while picking a good 3 pounds of little potatoes. She's turned herself around in my arm and proceeds to talk for nearly the entire time with a young couple behind me. It was a full conversation of nonsense words. I fear this baby will turn into a politician or at least a news pundit. I lean toward pundit since that requires less fundraising.

Under There

After a lifetime of daring to keep our trashcan in plain sight, we've converted to under the sink trash can people. We just had to since the baby decided that garbage cans are for putting anything inside them. She doesn't understand the concept of rubbish. Thus we must put it behind a cabinet door with a child lock. She can still toss stuff into the "non-decaying matter" trash can. It just feels so shameful when I have to hide the garbage can. Maybe in 2021 we can free range the garbage can once more.

I Don't Hate Parenting

New York magazine has an article about how having kids don't make married couples that much happy. I agree since whenever someone calls me for a poll, I'm too exhausted to give happy answers.

http://nymag.com/news/features/67024/

a proper noon

sitting back in my chair, giving the baby her bottle while watching Match Game 74. She will have memories of Charles Nelson Reilly. is that a good thing?

that voice

The baby is now starting to talk using her barely there words. She can go on for quite a long time in a sing song voice. I often think she's secretly learning French when I sleep. although she doesn't give me that much time to sleep.

A second show

The baby now watches Blue's Clues. It's not nearly as painful as the Backyardigans. The nice part is the guy is named Joe so it's almost like they're talking about me. He also looks rather stoned.