no tree

originally the plan was to put up the Christmas tree this year. But after spending an hour at a used bookstore where the baby kept going after the ornaments, it's off the table. The kid is persistent when it comes to getting something. I want to be able to enjoy the holiday season without having the tree fall over every hour.

Time on the street

I've been keeping an Neilsen diary for the last week and it's amazing how much Sesame Street gets played on our TV. It helps that it airs 4 times a day between PBS, PBS Kids and Sprout. At least it's not Dora the Explorer.

Why delay the pain

Since there's no way to reason with the baby, I realize that there's no reason to completely appease her when it comes to wanting something or hating that it's being taken away. She's going to scream eventually. So just pick the moment when it won't matter and take it away. Or the moment you need a distraction to get someone off the phone.

While a three year-old's birthday party, I'm struck by the fact that the baby doesn't have a favorite movie. She did see Gamera, but I'm not sure if she prefers Godzilla. Does this make me a bad dad?

sine your pitty on the runny kine

I fear my daughter has learned English from watching Pootie Tang.

who needs college?

while getting the oil changed in the car, the baby picks through the toy box in the waiting room. Before I can stop her, she's roaming the hallway with a little baseball bat and a red marker and peeking into offices to yelp at workers. It's like she's already qualified to be middle management.

too much

at the library I met 2 women who were friends that had three year old boys and year old twin boys. That was really scary. Should we try for a second? What can be worse than twins? I don't think we'll get Octuplets.

where are the other six months?

I've been informed that the Terrible Twos start at 18 months. What? When did they announce that change? The baby has been having more fits. She's learning how to give me forearm chucks like a power forward popping Manute Bol. I'm baring my teeth more to give her the Raised by Wolves disapproval sign.

good dad tip

Always put the egg nog jug in the back of the fridge so nobody pours it into the baby's sippy cup. Mainly so the baby doesn't whine for the next three hours about how cheap you are with the liquor.

How much?

Mel Gibson's baby-mama claims that each month she spends $1,500 for baby yoga, books and toys. What books is that child getting? Signed first editions of Peter Rabbit? Gold-plated rattles? And what the hell is baby yoga? Little babies aren't good at maintaining positions. Giving yoga to the baby is like leaving dental floss for the Pogues. Even more is she spends $400 for Mommy and me classes. Strange but Daddy and Me classes are absolutely free.

While I will never deny a small child the chance to get a fat ass trust fund off their idiot parents, this is just disturbing and makes me feel like an utter cheapskate with my child.

She said what?

Elia Kazan just got name checked on Sesame Street as part of Abby's magical words.

Lock Up

I've determined that "rhyme time" at the library is the baby version of county lock up on a Saturday night.

time

The time change has really made things weird since the baby seems to have no problem staying up till her old time, but wants to wake up with the new time. It's like this kid can't read a clock or something.

This is partly why I'm fearing the trip to LA with the baby. I don't want to wake up at 4:30 a.m. when she's ready to get out and play.

How to take a Baby to a DC Rally

don't fad out

Now another Hollywood backed parenting program is being launched called Resources for Infant Educarers.

according to this article: the RIE philosophy has spread among parents via word-of-mouth. It has its own tight-knit circle of instructors; its own rituals (the narration of the diaper change); its own spare aesthetic (no mirrors, no dangling mobiles, no Baby Einstein); and its own set of guidelines (no singing, no rocking, no playpens). All of this honors the baby’s “struggle” and builds a more “authentic self,” proponents believe. RIE toys are simple—a paisley scarf, a wooden spoon, a plastic colander—so as to stimulate imagination and motor skills. And baby days are calm; there’s no running multiple errands with the little one in tow.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2010-10-31/rie-the-celebrity-parenting-craze/?om_rid=DJGW-O&om_mid=_BMzxtRB8Vbq-FQ

You know what this sounds like. My "Raised By Wolves" Babycare Technique.

Those bastards are ripping me off. How dare they think they can do better than a cooler child care movement than the one I devised for my own child! My child's favorite toys are kitchen tools - along with all the stuff necessary to make soccer balls and clothes that are part of a major star's line at Ivey's. I'm coming after Jason Alexander so hard, he'll wish he he'd been covered in Col. Sander's original recipe. 11 herbs and spices topped off with a can of my Whoopass.