we took the baby to the art museum to see an exhibit of Eric Carle illustrations. She was more excited about climbing the rocks outside. She's in her outdoor phase.

does not compute

The baby is now addicted to playing with the portable dvd player. She can't get enough of it. She turns it on. She knows how to put the DVD on the spindle. She seems to know how to press the play button. it's insane. After 10 years, my own mother can't do this as fast. She's going to be bored by technology when she turns 3.

Fate

What amazes me is how before Rhyme Time starts at the library, Josie races to the front of the room to shout at the mothers and babies while waving her arms. I have this horrible fear that she'll be pumping up the crowd at arenas for hyping pyramid schemes.

Sir Elton - What?

Fatherhood, says Elton John, “is surprisingly very relaxing because this little soul that you are feeding, changing, bathing and that you’re telling bedtime stories to is a blank palette, a blank canvas and all it needs is love and nurturing.”

Where did he find this baby? Or does he have sound proof walls between the nursery and his bedroom? Does he live next to an ether factory?

Surprising relaxing? You know what my surprise was - never getting any sleep. I still have the 4:30 a.m. screams of "I'm not going to bed" rattling in my head. I was a zombie dad for those first months.

all my baby needed was love and nurturing - but I needed earplugs. I was the blank canvas that was turned into the ending of Eraserhead.

Father-Daughter Time

We're sitting back watching The Best of John Belushi. Shame she has to live in world with only Jim Belushi.

Hyannisport here we come

So I'm now the Vice Chair of the North Raleigh district of the Community Advisory Council. That means my child is now growing up as part of a political family. I get to figure out horrible family pictures to push agendas. How many ugly sweaters can a child wear before it's considered child abuse?

The good news is this is the most I'll do in politics since there was zero background checks outside of declaring I live in the district. No need for the media to poke around my history. The videos of me telling the baby stuff will probably scare enough voters.

Cap It

Nothing makes you think hard about the consequences of having a second child like a 1 year old's birthday party. They're in full motion. They're everywhere. They have to make more noise than the last. Nobody wants to admit it really isn't also their birthday. Instead of being a parental figure, you're reduced to the referee at a pitbull fight. You go from raising a baby to juggling chainsaws with a second little one. In fact, it might be best for sanity to install a pitbull fighting ring in the nursery.

those are....

Why is it that half my conversations now involve explaining where hands become fingers? Sadly enough, these are normally with adults.

was just informed that Josie is no longer eligible for Baby Cage Fighting. She's too old. Luckily enough, she's going to be a founding member of Toddler Terrordome.

grow up so fast

we had Josie's hair cut so she now has bangs. Amazing how a few snips changes a face. Now she really does look like a little kid and not a baby. The nice thought is that you won't be able to tell her daily diet from inspecting her hair.

Late in the afternoon, Josie came into the room carrying my shoes. She wanted me to take her out into the cold night. I needed to get the mail so it made sense to bundle up and head out with her. She grabbed my cellphone, opened it up and started an imaginary conversation. She gabbed away the entire walk to and from the mailbox. She didn't put down the phone until we got back in the house. It was such a weird moment since it felt like she was a teenager completely ignoring me even though I was carrying her.

She's 19 months going on 19 now.

Amy Chua's "Chinese Mothers are Superior" is another a case of someone who refuses to understand the parental genius of a slacker dad. Just cause I can't make a wonton, my child is going to end up riding the short bus to oblivion? I think not. I bet her child can't hit Nina Hagen notes when upset.

Cable Crazy

did you know that you've got a higher chance of being exposed to new musical groups through Yo Gabba Gabba than MTV. On the other hand, you've got a higher chance of exposing your kids to the "joys" of being a teenage mom by watching MTV.

I should be telling my kid to turn off MTV to avoid that devil music. Instead it's more to make her avoid seeing what utter douchebags teens have become in America.

I have this strange fear that even after she's outgrown it, I'll be tuning into Yo Gabba Gabba to figure out what's worth hunting down on youtube

Return East

After five days, the baby no longer wakes up around 10 a.m. Her 8:30 a.m. scream reminded me that she's back on the East coast and my quiet mornings are coming to an end. She'll probably be back to a 7 a.m. shriek by Monday.

Time Passages

Returning from our week in Pasadena is all about readjusting the baby's body clock. She didn't completely turn into a West Coast child during the trip. Sure she liked staying up till 10 p.m. but she always got up at 6 a.m. So far she's been getting up around 10 a.m. This moves naptime back a few hours.

While I force her to hit the crib at 8 p.m. (her normal bedtime) - there's no way I'm going to wake her up at 8 a.m. (her normal wake up time). Why? Cause there's no more precious gift than baby sleeping time. Thankfully Goldman Sachs hasn't figured out a way to bundle baby sleep time and sell it to foreign investors and hedge funds.

Bad touch

The TSA body searched my kid. Nothing nicer than watching a stranger do things to my child that would send a mall Santa to prison.

The strange though is that they didn't check her poopie diaper to make sure it wasn't full of black tar heroin.

Hmmm

Why does it seem more easy for a kid to learn a cuss word than a nice one?

bad influence

today's Sesame Street focused on Cookie Monster. before the episode was over, the baby dragged me into the kitchen and pointed at the Tupperware full of cookies. Nineteen months old and already the victim of TV marketing.

The best part of New Year's Eve was getting a sitter for the baby so we could go off without a care. Well there's still a nasty knowledge knowing that there's no such thing as real recovery time since the baby doesn't believe in giving you the break. So we weren't going to get blotto with a cabbie pouring us on our front steps. Still it was a joyful rush that we were going to get to be adults and not have to swap off eyeballing the human tornado.

Then the weird thing happened that one of our friend kept turning to the Kids channel on Music Choice. We can't escape the world we've slipped into.