counting times

Josie can now count to 10....well almost. She keeps skipping 4. It's like she's a character in a Steve Erickson novel.

can tickling a baby while she's throwing a temper tantrum cause her head to explode?

better check snopes

Tiger-mania

Now the woman who was on my short list to au pair Josie has spoken up about the Tiger Mom life

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/tue-april-26-2011/tiger-mothering

Of course nobody talks about raising kids so that they are exposed to rabid animals if they mess up.

I lifted up Josie to take her out of the bedroom. She pointed at the top of her dresser and made a noise. I decided to save myself the "do you want this" game, I'd just lean her over to grab what she wants. But instead of grabbing a shoe or hairbow, she pointed at the CD player and kept saying "Kite." She wanted to hear "Kites Are Fun" by the Free Design. I turned on the stereo to the disc and she danced around the room somewhat singing along.

I can't believe that the Dallas Observer allowed columnist Richie Witt write:

"Don't look now, but since Josh Hamilton's dumb dash for home Tuesday in Detroit, the Rangers are 1-4 and tied with the Angels atop the AL West. They start a three-game series with the Angels tonight in Arlington.

In Game 2, Colby Lewis is scheduled to start after missing his last regular turn in the rotation because -- I'm not making this up -- his wife, Jenny, was giving birth in California. To the couple's second child.

Don't have kids of my own but I raised a step-son for eight years. I know all about sacrifice and love and how great children are.

But a pitcher missing one of maybe 30 starts?"

Wow. He's a pitcher. They lose a spot in the rotation when they suffer a hangnail. You think a pitcher is going to be completely focused if he keeps thinking if his wife is in labor or the baby has popped out?

And playing the "I had a stepson for 8 years." What does that mean? Did his wife dump his ass after 8 years? Did the kid die? Was there a court order keeping him away from the kid?

If you haven't been in the delivery room when your child comes out and takes their first breathe - don't act like an expert on what the moment means. Witt really needed to understand that there are certain things you need to shut up about. If I worked in his newsroom, I would have launched a dictionary at his skull for writing something so pathetically dumb. There's a reason why people don't cry when newspaper writers get laid off because it's hard to feel pity for a blockhead like Witt (less).

that fits?

Josie yanked off the little rubber dress from a teeny tiny doll. And I'm supposed to know how to put it back on. Why do toy designers want to belittle me as parent by making me look hopeless in front of impatient children?

Father of the Year Application Please

She hates airports

Josie knows that the airport is not a fun trip if only mom puts a suitcase in the car.

Surround Scare

If you really want to get the full effect of Paranormal Activity 2, watch the DVD while your baby is napping and the hall closet door keeps popping open. You'll appreciate the film even more.

Although I don't think a demon would stick around here if Josie went into full shriek mode. She can upset a bowling alley with her high notes.

How dare she!

While driving around in the car, Josie stuck her hands over her ears when Robyn Hitchcock's "Madonna of the Wasps" was playing on the stereo. I think this is our first time of the "Dad, why can't you play cool music" moment. Thankfully she didn't demand any Wiggles tracks. I flipped over to Devo where she actually screamed her version of "Whip It." Guess she just can't handle flakey British cult stars. Maybe she'd like the Soft Boys better?

poke

Why does an ad for the Cayman islands promising a trip to Stingray City sound like a threat I'd use on the kid if she doesn't clean her plate?

And haven't stingrays lost their fun image after they killed the Croc Hunter?

Panda Dad Vs. Tiger Mom!

Now on the Today Show they have some father passing himself off as Panda Dad, the archenemy of Tiger Mom. His resume includes raising his kids in China while his wife worked as a journalist. What's up with raising kids with Chinese Connections? Is this a nurturing process or a Bruce Lee clone flick? I raise your Tiger Mom and Panda Dad with my Cobra Care! Each day I teach Josie to sweep the leg! No excuses.

My raised by Wolves method appears to be working well. She can now hum-sing along with the HR Pufnstuf theme. Think Tiger Mom and Panda Pappy's brats pulled that off at 22 months?

I want that

Josie insists they make toy sized giraffes like the one in the Direct TV ad. She keeps pointing at the screen and begging for one. Time for break out the gene grafting kit I stashed under the sofa.