Hide the Eggs

Went over to the kid's pre-school to help out with the Easter Egg hunt. As much as you want to drive them nuts looking for eggs, two year olds seem to have a theory about life: If I didn't know it existed in the first place, why should I waste my time hunting for it? If it does matter, it's just easier to scream until dad digs it up. So you dump the eggs in obvious places and hope not of them are forgotten so the snakes don't attack the playground looking for a free meal.

I feel like a gameshow host as I keep explaining to the kid what she'll get if she doesn't have to wear diapers anymore.

What's our winner get, Johnny Olsen?

How about a kite, a goldfish and a brand new Dream Pet!

She's still fighting going for the big game.

Rainy Days Drainy Days

So a slight chance of shows has turned into an all day downpour which means the normal naptime trick of the drive around won't work. Why don't children just come with a nap button like my alarm clock?

How sad Disney. Do I need 4 a.m. Jake and the Neverland Pirates?

via press release:

Disney Junior, the multiplatform brand for kids age 2-7, their parents and caregivers, is ready to take its next big step when it launches as a 24-hour channel this FRIDAY, MARCH 23 (12:00 midnight, ET). Leveraged by the strength of its inaugural affiliate partners Comcast, Time Warner Cable, Cablevision, Bright House Networks and Verizon, the new channel showcases classic and new Disney characters and stories and embraces the same magical storytelling with heart that generations of fans have come to know and love from Disney Parks and Disney movies

DisneyJunior.com also debuts a whole new look on Friday and will continue to deliver a complete digital experience including full episodes, games, activity guides, coloring pages and more.

Later this year, Comcast subscribers will have access to WATCH Disney Junior, an authenticated live simulcast of Disney Junior across a variety of platforms and devices (computers, smart phones and tablets) both in- and out-of-the-home. WATCH Disney Junior will also offer Comcast subscribers priority access to on-demand episodes online.

Nancy Kanter, Senior Vice President and General Manager, Disney Junior Worldwide, said, "Parents have asked us for more of the Disney brand essence they know and love and stories that can also serve as learning tools." She continued, "They also want the choice of a dedicated destination for young viewers and now, through smart, funny, well-told stories with wonderful characters – all the hallmarks of a great Disney experience – we're ready to deliver a 24-hour destination unlike any other on television."

_________

Parents have asked for a 24 hour channel of shows on constant repeat for the 2 year olds? Are these the same parents that love giving their kids Mountain Dew and Red Bull? The same ones that have to bring their toddlers to R-rated movies? The parents who hate going shopping without a meltdown when they won't buy the toddler a piece of overpriced made in China crap with Jake and the Neverland Pirates on it?

No parent needs a 24 hour channel aimed at their 2 year old. There might be midnight meltdowns, but that's what DVDs are for. When is the last time a visit to the kid's doctor ended with a warning that the child wasn't getting enough Mickey Mouse Funhouse? You're kid's too skinny since they aren't sitting on their ass drinking Mountain Dew and watching more Disney branded crap. How dare you let them do something physical!

Right now there's a dozen little kid channels on the cable dial. Disney Jr. wasn't filling a void anywhere outside of an executive in Burbank's spread sheet.

Come clean Disney. Admit that you need to hook kids even younger now so they'll scream and holler until they get flown for a weekend at Disney. Which will turn into even more screaming and hollering since they're too short for any of the good rides and want everything in the gift shop. Just admit that your job is to make a parent's life a living hell of Disney branded crap.

To be fair, this parent did once ask Disney for something on TV. It was the return of Vault Disney programming in the wee hours of the night. The classic Disney cartoons and Wonderful World of Walt Disney programs were yanked off nearly a decade ago cause you had to run Tween crap at 3 a.m. when 9 year olds shouldn't be out of their beds. I'd like to point out that those kids at now in college and according to statistics, they are the dumbest and laziest college students in the history of America. Mission accomplished House of Mouse. Now you're trying to destroy the next generation with you ability to make kids think television doesn't have an off button.

Is This Wrong?

In order to not get stuck laying in bed with Josie to get her to fall asleep, I insist on saying, "Daddy has to take his pills to feel better." Then I split the room without much discussion. I started doing this when I truly was sick for what seemed like the entire month of Feb. I'm not taking any medicine. But now I fear that she's going to blab to someone that "daddy likes taking pills at night" and here comes social services. Why is it that the best easy excuses to give children are the ones that aren't government approved?

Again?

While I try not to give too many potty training posts, I think this is worth mentioning. I grabbed Josie and stuck her on the toilet when she swore she didn't need to go potty. She finally took a dump in the toilet for me. After three years of crap filled diapers, it felt so nice to just flush and a minor wipe to get things right with the universe. Please let her do it again and again until I can get my sense of smell back.

When calling for a location to host a child's birthday party, avoid any places that have a bottle service that's more than $400 a table.

Is it wrong that my child is so devious? She'll stare right at me and lie. She'll have a stinking dirty diaper and refuse to admit she's pooped. I need to get her to law school pronto. If only Harvard Law didn't have a must be potty trained rule.

Nick Jr. Bites

I miss you Moose and Zee. Nick Jr is now just giving us promo clips from their shows. Come on. Where is little s?

That helps

It appears the Oxi-Clean Stain Remover has taken out several Josie related stains on the family room carpet. Although you should use gloves since that stuff will give you dishpan hands.

FEMA

I'm filing for Federal Disaster relief after a tornado hit the living room. Oh wait, it was just Josie and a Klennex box. Does this mean I can't get a FEMA trailer to hide inside?