Turn it Down!

She has figured out how to turn on the stereo in her room, twist the FM dial and blast the volume. I walk into her room because she's overwhelming the house with Cher's "Believe." She's twirling around and laughing. She's transformed her bedroom into a gay disco. Soon I'll find passed out tweakers in the front yard. And that's where I draw the line.

Truth

The person who said, "Silence is golden" didn't have a toddler in the house. Silence is the moment before hell comes down.

Packed classrooms

They started up the toddler program at the library - it's now called Storytime with two books read during the session. This would be good if Josie could sit still and look at the pages. The classes as more packed than the summer session so we have to show up earlier since I don't need Josie being melted down maniac when she can't get through the doors.

She doesn't understand the be quiet in the library rule. They must not have libraries where she comes from.

Don't Wear Out My Name

Josie has started calling me Joe. I do my best to correct her to call me dad, but she gets this gleeful look when she knows she's doing an adult thing - like when she grabs a steering wheel or demands to watch Breaking Bad.

Human Tornado

I survey the damage to the family room with not an inch of carpet exposed beneath layers of toys, drawing paper and little chairs. How can such a small toddler cause so much destruction. Then it hits me, she's had 13 hours to focus on it.

that's why

Science claims that a man's testosterone levels drop after the birth of their child and further go down with longer exposure to the child... What a horrible father's day gift. And here I was swearing the baby was merely draining me of the will to live by staying up till 5 a.m. not so long ago.

Fashion addict

The kid has completely enthralled in wearing dresses with butterflies. Not sure what made her so hooked, but it makes me do the laundry faster so it's a bad thing.

The Times They Are A Changin'

After waking up at 7:30 a.m. on Monday and Tuesday, Josie has taken to waking up up at 6 a.m. How can our genes have created a morning person?

copyright

I fear Disney lawyers are going to kick in our door to inform Josie that her Little Mermaid toothbrush is not the blue mermaid from Team Umizoomi. She must cease mis-identifying the Little Mermaid or they will get a court injunction and sue her down to her Minnie Mouse training panties.

to the potty!!!

the potty training isn't quite working out right. doesn't help that she says "no no no no" to whatever you ask. oh well. i know soon she'll get the hang of it. This is the child who figured out how to work a dvd player already.

Victory

While putting Josie in her car seat, she started singing "Fish Heads" by Barnes and Barnes. I nearly cried at the beauty of this moment.

Why can't I be woken up when the terrible twos are over?

Damn you social services

the eyes

Never let the toddler lock eyes with you when she's drifting asleep. They gain strength knowing you want them snoring.