Ick

I hate getting sick and not being able to blame it on the kid. What's the point of a germy urchin if I get sick from other sources?

Just give up

As soon as you get a game plan on what to do for the next two hours - be prepared for the most unexpected of disasters. Kids know how to derail a day without even thinking about it.

Her Vocabulary

Josie calls bendy straws "Freddies." Why? Cause I let her watch way too many episodes of HR Pufnstuf. It's Freddie the Flute to her. Although now I think she's going to turn cockney on me with her own code words to get past the coppers.

Thanks for nothing Rat

Lately Josie can say, "I can't" for nearly an hour at a time. Where did she get such an attitude? We traced it back to Donald Duck on Mickey Mouse's Funhouse. So the big takeaway of the Disney CGI relaunch of Mickey is not a can do spirit, but an excuse not to try. Way to let me down by allowing her to latch onto the negative. From Yo Gabba Gabba, she sings "Don't stop. Never give up." So right now, Mickey bad. Freakish creatures from a Devo universe are good.

Punishment for whom?

The best form of scaring the child is to look her in the face after she's been bad and announce, "Keep it up and you're not going to be an only child."

So her new scam to get out of going to sleep is to bound out of her bedroom and shout, "Good morning, Daddy!" As if somehow her ruse will make me ignore the pitch blackness outside and let her stay up until she finally just passes out.

I'm not that dumb...yet.

Quiet

Day three of solo parenting is less painful. It only took a 14 minute battle to get her dressed for pre-school. I should have looked up nudist preschools to make life easier.

No more faking it

Josie is asking about Christmas. She now has expectations.

Read to Me

AVN superstar Sasha Grey showed up at a first grade class to read them a book or two. Is there like a website where you can beg her to show up at your kid's preschool so she can read "The Little Train that Could?"

http://photos.tmz.com/galleries/sasha_grey#tab=most_recent&id=103526

Nick hates Daddies!!!!

Nick Jr. is now going to give 4 whole hours to Mom programming. Really? NickMom? Where is NickStayAtHomeDad? Where is our Nickelodeon? It's not like we just wait till the kids go to bed and then watch a marathon of Spongebob while huffing ether. Maybe I want at least a four minute segment called, "You're still a man even with the stench of babypuke on your sweatshirt." How about a show called, "How your college degree relates to diapers." Or maybe a special from Michael Lohan, the Kardasian mom and the Culkins on how to exploit your kids for fun and profit?

Of course there is already programming for dads - it's called Californication. I'm counting on Hank Moody to say there's a life out there.

NEW YORK–Nov. 9 2011–Nickelodeon, the number-one entertainment brand for kids and the top TV destination for moms, is creating a brand-new, multi-platform destination just for today’s moms: NICKMOM, a prime-time, advertiser-supported nightly programming block on Nick Jr. and a convergent web site. Nickelodeon and Nick Jr. are already the top viewing destinations for moms, according to Nielsen Media Research; and one out of every 4 moms today grew up watching Nickelodeon themselves. Nickelodeon is creating NICKMOM in response to original research with today’s moms who are younger, more diverse and more tech savvy than prior generations, and who are looking for entertainment outlets that speak directly to the experience of their lives. These moms say they want entertainment content that is focused on comedy, helps them relax at the end of the day and ultimately celebrates being a parent.

The NICKMOM block on Nick Jr. will feature a mix of original long- and short-form humor-based programming, including talk shows, stand-up and sketch comedy, hidden camera and more. The TV block will air nightly from 9 p.m.to 1 a.m. (ET) with two-hours of original content and a replay immediately following. The NICKMOM TV block will launch in 4Q12. The NICKMOM web site will debut Monday, Nov. 14 as a blog on Nickelodeon’s ParentsConnect.com--Nickelodeon’s web resource for parenting advice and community—and will feature editorial franchises and video. The NICKMOM site will then evolve into a robust, mom-focused humor site complete with editorial, photos, videos, gaming and community next year.

“Today’s moms who grew up with Nickelodeon have a renewed relationship with us through their kids, and now we have something for them as adults in NickMom.” said Cyma Zarghami, President, Nickelodeon Networks, a division of Viacom. “This generation of moms is very different than any one before it and we are very excited to offer a destination that is unique in today’s entertainment landscape with content that taps into the Nickelodeon’s comedic DNA.”

With more than 30 projects currently in development, the NICKMOM block will feature talk shows, docu-series, stand-up and sketch comedy, hidden camera and game shows and more, emphasizing the kind of comedy moms say they enjoy most – relatable, ridiculous and irreverent. Development deals are in place with Eyeworks USA(The Biggest Loser); Mad Cow (Madeleine Smithberg, co-creator, former executive producer of The Daily Show); actress and author Annabelle Gurwitch (You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up; Fired!; Dinner & a Movie); and Emmy award-winning Hugh Fink (head writer, The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson; and writer, SNL); among a host of others.

Well in advance of its TV launch, NICKMOM already has acquired two charter sponsors: General Mills; and Reckitt Benckiser.

Outside of the block’s mom-focused content in prime time, Nick Jr. will remain the premier commercial-free network and online site where preschoolers can gain key curricular knowledge in a curated and organized environment. Through interactivity and narrative, Nick Jr. and nickjr.com help kids learn early literacy, social studies, basic math, science, movement and art skills, through the top preschool shows on all television like Dora the Explorer, Bubble Guppies, Go, Diego, Go!, Yo, Gabba, Gabba, Max and Ruby, Team Umi Zoomi and more.

Nick Jr., home of the top educational preschool programming on television, currently reaches 73 million households via cable, digital cable and satellite TV. Nick Jr. is like preschool on TV, with educational programming both on-air and online at www.nickjr.com.

Nickelodeon, now in its 32^nd year, is the number-one entertainment brand for kids. It has built a diverse, global business by putting kids first in everything it does. The company includes television programming and production in the United States and around the world, plus consumer products, online, recreation, books and feature films. Nickelodeon's U.S. television network is seen in more than 100 million households and has been the number-one-rated basic cable network for 16 consecutive years.

New Naptime

I hate the time changes cause it throws off when to have things happen. Right now it is noon which until Sunday was 1 p.m.. That was the time to take Josie off for a quick knock out trip in the car. But since she has daycare that doesn't get out till 12:45 p.m., I don't want to her to konk out quite yet. I need to at least wait till 12:30 p.m. to strap her in the car seat. Why must Congress make the clocks work against me?

Fashion fights

Why does a child scream, "Wait a minute" when I try to dress her? You'd figure she'd still be fashion neutral, but somehow she can't stand certain patterns. Someday she'll be screaming at me for wanting her to wear my old band t-shirts. "Daddy, Bauhaus is so 20th century!" And I'll remember cranking my Model T for the night I went down to the Cat's Cradle to bump into David J.

It's a good thing

this morning when Josie was hanging off me like spidermonkey, I really missed her being in preschool...for her educational benefits.

Dropped Josie off at the preschool. She seemed well adjusted when she scampered into her classroom without me. Right before I left she was screaming. I'm hoping she gets over it quick cause I'm really enjoying being in a quiet house and not fearing that something is going to smash.