New world mom

I don't think that as a baby breastfeeding, my mother ever said, "hurray boobies!" as I suckled.

How it began

So last Wednesday Becky and I visit her OB/GYN in the morning. The check up goes well. Nothing to worry about. They make an appointment for next week. I feel safe in thinking Josie won't be arriving until June 12 - the day analog TV goes away.

Back at home, I finish up writing my interview with director Wayne Wang. It's a tough gig as I attempt to avoid putting "Wang said" next to any quotes that have any "Beavis and Butthead" snicker quality. I file the interview and relax. The phone rings. It's Becky. "You need to bring me a new pair of pants and underwear." After a pause she says, "You need to take me to the hospital." I'm in a complete state of shock with a candy coating of denial.

Luckily I remember to grab the little suitcase even though she didn't mention it.

I arrive at her work and take the elevator up. The doors open and there's Becky holding a pillow over her crotch. She thinks her water broke. Her co-workers help us out to the car. We're not in a major rush because she's not having contractions. There's no "get me to the hospital" screaming or running red lights. I probably could have grabbed lunch at a drive-thru, but that would have been pushing it.

a whole week

it's been a whole week since Josie arrived. She still hasn't finished up her resume. She's never going to get a gig at Trader Joe's at this rate.

for rent

forget a crib, Josie can sleep for hours on my stomach. I really ought to rent out gut space for other families. "The Human Heating Pad" would look good as a Craigslist title.

No!!!!

I was informed by the manager that the kids eat for free at Hooters doesn't involve breast feeding. So much for that place being family friendly.

Henry

David Lynch's Eraserhead makes pure sense now.

He's an influence

Back at the hospital, Josie was napping. My mother-in-law starts cooing over her and asks, "What are you dreaming about, Josie? Are you dreaming about puppies and kittens?"

At that moment, my mind was taken over by Sheldon from "The Big Bang Theory." I told my mother-in-law that Josie couldn't be dreaming of puppies or kittens since she's never encountered them in her life. She can only dream about the things that have been within two feet of her since babies don't see that far away. Odds are that she's either dreaming about having blood drawn or us. But no animals since they don't allow pets to freely roam the hallways of a birthing center.