My Little Moe

As we sat on the sofa this morning, Josie said, "Make up" and hit me in the face with a pillow. My baby understands slapstick. Shes' not even two and is already dishing out the classics. It's like she's Josie Besser.

Kid book

Go the Fuck to Sleep by Adam Mansbach is already a hit as an "adult" kids book. which hasn't even come out. I'm wondering if I should do a similar kids book

"Baby, You're Doomed" - which will be 32 pages of reminding the kid how their future is rather bleak. The spiraling cost of healthcare and college along with the dwindling number of high paid jobs. The Jersey Shore cast remaining stars. Terrorists around every corner that isn't occupied by a sexual predator. Oh the bleakness grows every day. The final chapters will remind them that if Mayan Doomsday hits, that might be a positive thing.

Trick or Treat

One should always plan ahead for holidays especially Halloween so you can have time to get the right father-kid costume. This year we're going as the stars of Lone Wolf and Cub aka Baby Cart Shogun assassin movie series. When Josie gets Daigoro's haircut, I'll paste her clipped hairs onto my head so I can look like Ogami Ittō. Now I have to make a wooden babycart complete with hidden guns and knives. It's going to rock.

Timing

Before you taking your walking child out to public places, you need to figure out the maximum closing distance. How quickly can you grab them - like a cornerback sizes up a wide receiver. Cause you can't afford to let them score a touchdown.

not rocko

For the second time while watching TV, Josie got upset. This time it was when Elmo lost Rocko - the rock friend of Zoey. The other time she got upset was a blanket that Elmo loses in Elmo in Grouchland. For a kid who gets so emotional when things get lost on TV, she doesn't seem to care when she drops stuff in random places.

Space is the Place

is it wrong that when we were house hunting, I was more interested in where to put my DVDs than the size of the Josie's potential room?

ouch - her edition

Josie wanted to ride in another family's shopping cart at the BJs. It was one of carts with a car in the front so the kids can think they're driving. When Becky went down to pull Josie out, the kid flailed like a hooked swordfish. She headbutted the wife so hard between the eyes that Becky saw stars. She got a mild concussion. Now Becky is feeling like Eric Lindros around the house.

Is this what's considered elder abuse? Where's the charity for victims of toddler violence?

I'm warning all of you parents - your babies can lay a beating on you. I'm so fearful what Josie will do to us at K-Mart.