William Frawley
Michael O'Donoghue
Leonard Cohen
Rico Petrocelli
Kurt Vonnegut
Dean Martin
Louise Brooks
Brian Wilson
John Waters
Mick Taylor
Friday, October 31, 2008
Screwed Christmas
Had to explain to my 2 year old nephew Will that all the weird stuff I've been stashing for him to enjoy this Christmas have now been shifted over to Butterbean's pile. Maybe he would have had a shot at the gifts if I was his godfather. But since I'm only his uncle, he doesn't get the Richard Scary Book or Grover's "There's a Monster at the End of this Book."
Will still gets the Saturday Morning Fun discs including H.R. Pufnstuf, Lancelot Link Secret Chimp and Roger Ramjet. But he won't be getting the 70 inch High-Def TV that's in 1080p. Maybe he'll get the 50 inch 740i.
Will still gets the Saturday Morning Fun discs including H.R. Pufnstuf, Lancelot Link Secret Chimp and Roger Ramjet. But he won't be getting the 70 inch High-Def TV that's in 1080p. Maybe he'll get the 50 inch 740i.
Alpha Dog of the Week?
I'd like to put my name in the hat for Colbert's Alpha Dog Award. Because after I did the math, I discovered:
I took my pregnant wife to a brothel for our sixth anniversary.
It was for "work." I did do a massive interview with Dennis Hof of HBO's Cathouse. But it's certainly not something to tell Grandpa over Christmas.
I took my pregnant wife to a brothel for our sixth anniversary.
It was for "work." I did do a massive interview with Dennis Hof of HBO's Cathouse. But it's certainly not something to tell Grandpa over Christmas.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
It's already started
Becky came home feeling sick, puked, ate a little and fell asleep before 7 p.m. The kid is already screwing up my sex life.
Bad Baby Names
I have been informed that any name that can be linked to an ex-girl that I didn't quite date in college is forbidden to go on the baby list name. Also on the taboo list are strippers I knew, women who own more than two cats and Hooters waitresses that I tipped above 15%.
Childproofing
The first thing people do now is child proof their homes. I remember Dan covering his house in foam, cabinet locks, toilet locks and outlet covers. Yet my parents never did any of this crap when I was growing up. Should I really worry about this? I lived through this. And I don't recall going to too many funerals when I was in elementary school for classmates. Maybe I'd be better off getting toddler sized Habitrails.
And what will I do with my porn collection? Guess I'll have to buy a Dick Cheney Man-sized safe.
And what will I do with my porn collection? Guess I'll have to buy a Dick Cheney Man-sized safe.
Autism
Today on the Today Show, they did a piece on a doctor who claims that vaccinations don't cause autism either by how they are preserved or their schedule to be given to kids. The lady doctor on the Today Show had his back and got angry when Matt Lauer called it a "controversial issue."
The problem I have with the issue is that no doctor seems to want to say if autism is genetic. A woman interviewed on the show declared that her son was autistic at birth. So is it genetic or a virus-like illness? With all the DNA testing stuff, you figure in the 21st century they could have cracked this one.
I am worried about this issue since a close friend of ours has an autistic kid. We go over and sort of play with him. But he is completely in his own world. It's hard to communicate with him. It is a fear.
The problem I have with the issue is that no doctor seems to want to say if autism is genetic. A woman interviewed on the show declared that her son was autistic at birth. So is it genetic or a virus-like illness? With all the DNA testing stuff, you figure in the 21st century they could have cracked this one.
I am worried about this issue since a close friend of ours has an autistic kid. We go over and sort of play with him. But he is completely in his own world. It's hard to communicate with him. It is a fear.
I Blame Dexter
I've determined that the reason for my impending fatherhood is because of this season on Dexter. he's knocked up his girlfriend so naturally my wife has to keep up with her stories. I guess when given the option between being a serial killer or pregnant, she chose the tamer of the two. Although Dexter doesn't bring his work home.
I've also realized after spending time with the children of friends that two months in the womb is the time when they are perfect children. They're quiet. They don't take up much space. They don't kick their moms. They're just wonderful little darlings that allow me to sleep and maintain my usual schedule.
I've also realized after spending time with the children of friends that two months in the womb is the time when they are perfect children. They're quiet. They don't take up much space. They don't kick their moms. They're just wonderful little darlings that allow me to sleep and maintain my usual schedule.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Baby names
If it's a boy, we'll naturally call him Joseph John Corey IV. I think it's cool to have a number at the end of your name. Makes it sound like you've had a political career in the family. Or you're related to Thurston Howell III
If it's a girl, I'm considering Donteven Thinkaboutit Corey. It's a good protective father name.
If it's a girl, I'm considering Donteven Thinkaboutit Corey. It's a good protective father name.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Day One - The Countdown begins
Bec was supposed to only be going in for her yearly check up with the Doctor who looks at her lady parts. She had recently been having a burping issue and certain foods had given her nausea. I packed up her lunch, defrosted the car and sent her off to her early appointment. About an hour later, she calls.
"You're going to be a dad." The battery on the portable phone dies. Literally it conks out on those words from her. it's like system doesn't want to admit that I'm going to be a dad. I quickly grab the base unit so she doesn't think I'm splitting town. I reassure her that I didn't hang up. That I'm happy. Not that I'm running around the house, twittering the world and mailing out cyber cigars. But I am happy that it has finally happened.
We've been trying to get her knocked up for over a year. We hadn't resorted to any fertility witchcraft. No taking of temperatures or popping herbs from China. I hadn't called my man in Hong Kong to order up some ground tiger penis. We weren't going to go nuts to have a baby. We swore we'd take it in stride and fuck like rabbits.
The news was still a shock. I haven't even owned a dog. What am I going to do with a kid? Before I could contemplate this too long, the phone rings. It's my mother-in-law. I realized Bec didn't hold to our original plan of waiting until the 8 month to announce it. For once the mother-in-law was happy that I had done something to her daughter. She rarely approves of my career choices. She didn't seem to like knowing that I took Bec to the Bunny Ranch for our Sixth Anniversary. But now she was seeing how excited I was. I was still in a state of "MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?" while figuring out what part of my life needs to be child proofed.
Bec came home and showed me the Ultrasound pic. It's the size of a butterbean so naturally I called it that. She's nearly 2 months along. This summer will not be as quiet as last summer.
I blame this whole thing on Dexter. Why did they have him knock up high girlfriend this season?
Now we get to do the fun part of borrowing other folks baby stuff. And then I have clean out the front bedroom which will now become the baby's room.
Seven months left.
"You're going to be a dad." The battery on the portable phone dies. Literally it conks out on those words from her. it's like system doesn't want to admit that I'm going to be a dad. I quickly grab the base unit so she doesn't think I'm splitting town. I reassure her that I didn't hang up. That I'm happy. Not that I'm running around the house, twittering the world and mailing out cyber cigars. But I am happy that it has finally happened.
We've been trying to get her knocked up for over a year. We hadn't resorted to any fertility witchcraft. No taking of temperatures or popping herbs from China. I hadn't called my man in Hong Kong to order up some ground tiger penis. We weren't going to go nuts to have a baby. We swore we'd take it in stride and fuck like rabbits.
The news was still a shock. I haven't even owned a dog. What am I going to do with a kid? Before I could contemplate this too long, the phone rings. It's my mother-in-law. I realized Bec didn't hold to our original plan of waiting until the 8 month to announce it. For once the mother-in-law was happy that I had done something to her daughter. She rarely approves of my career choices. She didn't seem to like knowing that I took Bec to the Bunny Ranch for our Sixth Anniversary. But now she was seeing how excited I was. I was still in a state of "MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?" while figuring out what part of my life needs to be child proofed.
Bec came home and showed me the Ultrasound pic. It's the size of a butterbean so naturally I called it that. She's nearly 2 months along. This summer will not be as quiet as last summer.
I blame this whole thing on Dexter. Why did they have him knock up high girlfriend this season?
Now we get to do the fun part of borrowing other folks baby stuff. And then I have clean out the front bedroom which will now become the baby's room.
Seven months left.
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