what to do for Xmas?

While holding the baby down for her 1 year shots, we sang "Happy Birthday" to her. The doctor's assistant pointed out that there's now a chance she'll associate birthdays with pain. that means we won't have to worry about her getting too excited when she realizes her birthday is coming up. No cries of "gimme." Instead she'll just cower with fear. Now if only we can psychologically ruin Christmas, it will be a peaceful house in the winter time.

happy birthday

it's the baby's first birthday. we're celebrating by having milk and watching Mighty Boosh. soon she gets shots!

How to celebrate

We celebrated the anniversary of our last day with the baby on the inside by going out to a restaurant. Before we could order drinks, the baby had yanked the tablecloth. The flower vase toppled over and soaked Becky's side of the table. While wiping up, we realized this was Josie celebrating the anniversary of breaking her mom's water. And they say kids can't remember that sort of stuff.

Happy Anniversary!

It was a full year ago that I spent my last carefree day not worrying about any baby weirdness. That day I still thought the baby's due date was June 12. Two weeks of peace, quiet and no bottles that turned out to be a LIE!!!! We even went to the OB-GYN for a check up the next day and nobody said, "She's going to make the move this afternoon so don't plan on making dinner."

No Good Night?

For months now, part of the baby's good night routine involves me reading Good Night Moon. It hits me after the 235th reading - why doesn't the little bunny say goodnight to the telephone? He says good night to everything mentioned in the first half of the story except the phone. Is there something wrong with the phone? Is it not permitted to leave the little bunny? I want answers since this problem has been keeping me up at night.

why is it empty?

So I stick the baby in her playpen and her first impulse is to throw every stuffed animal and toy out of it. She's like Ric Flair during a Battle Royale. Of course once the toys are gone, she looks over the top and whines that there's nothing to do while stuck in the playpen.

A Baby-cation

Finally I have a morning free of the baby. And where do I spend it? In the dentist chair getting my teeth cleaned with the sonic screwdriver. Is it wrong to feel a little sense of release with blood leaking from my gums? It didn't hurt that the baby decided to wake up at 5 a.m. The sweet joy of tartar scrapping is less painful on my ears.

tell me this is growth spurt

The baby decided to wake up at midnight and 5 a.m. last night for feedings. She had her bottle and didn't fight going back to sleep. But I'm hoping this is merely part of her needing to bulk up for the next stretch. Otherwise I'm just doomed to sleep in less than five hour shifts.

Time

With the baby's first birthday around the corner, people keep telling me how this must have been the fastest year of my life. Really? Cause there are quite a few painfully long moments that happen between 4 a.m. and 5 a.m. when the baby refuses to go to sleep. There's been nothing short about the last year.

The nice part about taking a baby to the drive-in is that if she gets too loud and noisy, you just have to roll up your windows and nobody can complain.

hmmm

Today Show is reporting a study of kids in Day Care. Supposedly the kids in day care are more likely to act out later in life. This must mean mine will be a perfect princess later in life.

Right now she's shoving giant Legos into the diaper pocket of the playpen. Does this count as a daily activity?

new game

there's now a game of mad dash to the doorway when the baby notices that I haven't stuck up the baby gate. Amazing how fast she is to sneak away. It's like in Ninja Warrior when they have to get under the lift up gates. Except she knows I won't drop it on her. Now to train her for the spider walk.

Sit On It!

Tomorrow night I'm taking the baby to meet the Fonz! I kinda want him to lay hands on the child so that she'll be part of Family Guy's First Church of the Fonz.

ask me

had a fun conversation with a producer pal about his upcoming kid and whether they should go natural or c-section. Strange to think that less than a year later, I actually know about this weirdness. For the record, I believe in at least waiting till the mom really goes into labor. It's natural's butterball popout signal. Babies do things when they're ready to do them. That's just what I've learned from this last year.

the empty cart

So strange to push a cart around the store without Josie in it. I had nobody to talk to while going through the aisles. Nobody to point at other babies for. Nobody to worry if she's dropping her bottle on the floor. Luckily I still remembered her bananas.

excuses

the baby screamed and screamed whenever I left the room while she was with my mother. I hope I'm not raising too clingy of a baby. However during dinner, Becky points out she has a new top front tooth poking through the gums. We'll blame today's outbursts on the tooth and not her true nature.

this might be a bad thing

Today's Sesame Street has Judah Friedlander as Inspector 4 shutting down places that don't have 4 things. Is it right to expose the kid to Judah? And then they follow it up with Jimmy Fallon with Elmo. Why do these guys want to get hip with the toddler set? It's not like they're going to get the kids to be showing up at their comedy shows anytime soon. Babies are notorious for sneaking their bottles into nightclubs.

Maybe next week they can have Ron Jeremy hanging out with Oscar the Grouch. Or maybe this Murray the Monster is secretly Ron Jeremy?

the theme

With the baby's birthday just around the corner, the wife asked what the theme of the party should be. My brother's kid always wants something dealing with "Cars." My short list for Josie includes:

Dolemite
Hooters Waitresses
I Spit On Your Grave
Bernie Maddoff took my Cake
Rabid Squirrels
The Power of Drool
Matches and Oily Rags
Blasting Caps
Cannibal Holocaust

Which theme would the grandparents enjoy the most?

the evil inch

We believe the baby grew overnight since she now has no problem scaling the sofa. She still has zero fear of falling off stuff. She wants to dangle between the sofa and the playpen without noticing that there's nothing between her and the floor. Why isn't there a baby Thrillseekers show on TV?

When she doesn't wake up screaming

The baby was up this morning and didn't scream her head off. Instead she was using the bars in her crib to work out her legs. After we took her to a Strawberry festival where she watched a baby barely bigger than her walking around, she wants to live on two feet and use her hands to carry stuff. She's at determined child which really will make things hard on me in the coming years. I better practice saying "No" in a way that doesn't sound like it'll turn into a "Yes" with enough coaxing.

simple pleasures

the joy of watching the Mr T cartoon on a Saturday morning. I pity the baby that doesn't like Mr. T.