Diaper Wrap Up

The New York Times runs an article about how diapers are now being sold to the dad who has "diaper duty." They want to somehow appeal to men by giving us Drew Brees throwing out a baseball pitch or one of the losers from Good Charlotte at a daddy/baby party.

I'm going to be honest and say that I don't want to see other dads pitching me diapers. I want to see a cute mom having to deal with the issue. If I want to see a dad changing a diaper, I can look in the mirror behind the changing table. He's there and he's in smell-o-vision. Gimme a mom that has a clue since I know that a guy pretty much grabbed the closest thing that appears to be working.

I especially don't want to see the payola induced fraud from Good Charlotte with his baby. He's half of a Johnny Bravo when marketing decided they could be pitched as punk to the nation's youth and a ton of money to radio programmers to play their nearly forgettable tunes. They could at least find somebody who isn't having his baby's mama use raising their baby as the excuse for not finishing their DWI rehab program on time. If he's such a great dad, why can't she leave her house for those critical alcohol education programs?

I will be leaving the house on Thursday night to see Dr. No. Shame the baby is too young to appreciate the time Sean Connery faced off against Jack Lord.


http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/23/business/media/23adco.html?ref=business

sneaky

The baby "hid" the DVD remote in the diaper pouch on the playpen. This means the battle of wits has finally begun in earnest.

blueberries

after witnessing what happens to all the blueberries the baby eats, i don't think i can eat a bowl of Boo Berry cereal anymore.

Stars of today

This lame report deals with children demanding cereal because of famous TV and movie cartoon characters being put on the box. They want the Shrek and Dora the Explorer. I find this study rather bogus since for decades we've had cartoon characters on the box. The difference being when I was a kid, the cartoon characters on the boxes were stars in their own right. Cap'n Crunch, The Trix Rabbit and Frankenberry didn't need to be part of a bigger project. Cap'n Crunch's original cartoons were more entertaining than the Saturday morning shows they sponsored. Where's the study explaining why anyone buys anything promoted by a Kardashian?

http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/06/21/cartoon.characters.junk.food/index.html?hpt=C2

what?

This is my second father's day as a real father and the baby acts like it's just any other day. She gives me that "I'm just a baby stare" when I demand she get the kitchen and make me waffles. I cut her slack last year since she'd only been around for a few weeks. But she's got a year under her belt now. She ought to have picked up on the way things work by now.

My Noise

I'm living in mortal fear of the day that the baby demands to hear "her music." Right now her favorite song remains the theme to "Three's Company." I can handle that. She also likes the Happy Mondays. I'm going to have to check under her bed for glo-sticks.

worst time out

Lately the baby has been climbing up on a chair and shaking a lamp. Raising my voice to her has only resulted in her maniacal laughter. Thus I've been forced to resort to time out in hopes she'll learn what's not acceptable in this family. The only place I can put her is in her playpen. Even though it is filled with toys, she screams like I've stuck her in the hot house from Cool Hand Luke. Soon I'll have to torture her with cake and ice cream.

long dark night

at 2 a.m. the baby screams. what hurts is not staying up late to get her to go back to sleep, but staying in the dark room in silence rocking her back to sleep. I'd rather be watching my new Mystery Science Theater 3000 boxset while doing this. But that's the kind of distraction that won't let her fall back to sleep. She's a focused child who fights sleep like a champ.

from my upcoming kid's book

I love the baby
You know this is true
But don't put anything in your mouth
Unless I give it to you

Great Military Disasters

As I watch the child get into living room spaces that I thought were blocked off, I now know how the French felt as the Germans slipped past the Maginot Line. It's no longer a case of blocking. My collections of books and DVDs now must go into evacuation mode. Is there a neutral land safe enough for them?

No Curve

The minute you attempt to guesstimate a timeline based on previous naps is the moment you set yourself up for failure. This isn't physics. This is a baby who knows she'll mess you up if you got real plans to do during her downtime. The minute you think it'll be a short nap, she'll sleep extra late in order to keep you from doing anything outside the home.

that smell

scientific fact: Milk based baby puke smells worse than formula based baby puke.

So much for trends

My lunch break was special in the middle of the week as the baby somehow made her naptime last three hours. I could get so much done like listen to silence and not have to worry about someone yanking my keyboard. It gets so peaceful that I also get to take advantage of the naptime to nap.

sharing is caring

The baby has hit a point where when she'll attempt to stick an ice cube in my mouth after she's sucked down a few. This means I have a future assistant bartender that will keep the drinks cool.

drats

Last night I played "Surfin' Bird" and the baby didn't freak out and panic. She just listened to it. I've lost another form of punishment. Now I need to find a new way to torture her that won't get me in trouble with social services.

Hmmmmm

When a woman keeps going on about how beautiful your baby is, does that mean she's hitting on you for at least a "donation to the turkeybaster?"

why sleeping with baby isn't cute

"The newspaper reviewed 554 autopsies from babies who died from SIDS from 2004 to 2008 and found only 25 infants were apparently sleeping safely, on their backs in their own cribs. More than 380 deaths had at least one unsafe factor, like soft bedding or sleeping with an adult or other child. Another 135 deaths didn’t have enough information for reporters to come to a conclusion."

http://www.wral.com/news/state/story/7732470/

Back with the Baby

We returned from celebrating the baby's first birthday up at the lake. Here's another tip about first birthdays - don't buy them anything for the party. see what the relatives give and get them stuff later. long as you sing "Happy Birthday," they won't know the difference,