Thursday, March 22, 2012

How sad Disney. Do I need 4 a.m. Jake and the Neverland Pirates?

via press release:

Disney Junior, the multiplatform brand for kids age 2-7, their parents and caregivers, is ready to take its next big step when it launches as a 24-hour channel this FRIDAY, MARCH 23 (12:00 midnight, ET). Leveraged by the strength of its inaugural affiliate partners Comcast, Time Warner Cable, Cablevision, Bright House Networks and Verizon, the new channel showcases classic and new Disney characters and stories and embraces the same magical storytelling with heart that generations of fans have come to know and love from Disney Parks and Disney movies

DisneyJunior.com also debuts a whole new look on Friday and will continue to deliver a complete digital experience including full episodes, games, activity guides, coloring pages and more.

Later this year, Comcast subscribers will have access to WATCH Disney Junior, an authenticated live simulcast of Disney Junior across a variety of platforms and devices (computers, smart phones and tablets) both in- and out-of-the-home. WATCH Disney Junior will also offer Comcast subscribers priority access to on-demand episodes online.

Nancy Kanter, Senior Vice President and General Manager, Disney Junior Worldwide, said, "Parents have asked us for more of the Disney brand essence they know and love and stories that can also serve as learning tools." She continued, "They also want the choice of a dedicated destination for young viewers and now, through smart, funny, well-told stories with wonderful characters – all the hallmarks of a great Disney experience – we're ready to deliver a 24-hour destination unlike any other on television."

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Parents have asked for a 24 hour channel of shows on constant repeat for the 2 year olds? Are these the same parents that love giving their kids Mountain Dew and Red Bull? The same ones that have to bring their toddlers to R-rated movies? The parents who hate going shopping without a meltdown when they won't buy the toddler a piece of overpriced made in China crap with Jake and the Neverland Pirates on it?

No parent needs a 24 hour channel aimed at their 2 year old. There might be midnight meltdowns, but that's what DVDs are for. When is the last time a visit to the kid's doctor ended with a warning that the child wasn't getting enough Mickey Mouse Funhouse? You're kid's too skinny since they aren't sitting on their ass drinking Mountain Dew and watching more Disney branded crap. How dare you let them do something physical!

Right now there's a dozen little kid channels on the cable dial. Disney Jr. wasn't filling a void anywhere outside of an executive in Burbank's spread sheet.

Come clean Disney. Admit that you need to hook kids even younger now so they'll scream and holler until they get flown for a weekend at Disney. Which will turn into even more screaming and hollering since they're too short for any of the good rides and want everything in the gift shop. Just admit that your job is to make a parent's life a living hell of Disney branded crap.

To be fair, this parent did once ask Disney for something on TV. It was the return of Vault Disney programming in the wee hours of the night. The classic Disney cartoons and Wonderful World of Walt Disney programs were yanked off nearly a decade ago cause you had to run Tween crap at 3 a.m. when 9 year olds shouldn't be out of their beds. I'd like to point out that those kids at now in college and according to statistics, they are the dumbest and laziest college students in the history of America. Mission accomplished House of Mouse. Now you're trying to destroy the next generation with you ability to make kids think television doesn't have an off button.


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