After two years on the testosterone treatment (going from gel to injections to the bead implants), I have stopped. It has been nearly three months since I was supposed to have the next round of implants.

I really don't feel a difference. The fact that my testosterone levels never really improved makes me question if the changes in me where from me and not chemically induced. Did I just have an amazing placebo effect? Granted I needed some sort of effect when I started treatment as everything around me was falling apart. We do need something to keep from panicking. Perhaps the anxieties are gone because I no longer have to trust those who were constantly lying to me. People who faked so much around me. In return I no longer have to excuse their behaviors. I can recognize them for what they are and what they will always be. It is sad when you've had to mark off a period of time as a decade of frauds.

I am still confident. I am still driven. I am still not willing to just slink away. I don't feel stuck. I can dream of a future again and make steps to make it happen. These are qualities my daughter must also have.