Not this.....

walking past the toy section of Target fills me with dread as I see the row of Barbie Dolls and her various fashions. Plus they're bringing back Strawberry Shortcake. No....this can't be my fate. A life of keeping up with little plastic high heels before vacuuming the living room. I am paying for my sins....

Octo-mom Creepier than imagined

They had the woman on TV who popped out the 8 puppies and had 6 more at home. She's certifiable. First thing is she looks like Angelina Jolie's stand-in. She then keeps going on that she wants all these kids because as an only child her parents didn't give her that great of a childhood. That's all nice except that from reports, her parents were raising the last 6 kids. She's on disability. She claims she's finishing up a degree that will allow her to support all 14 kids without having a spouse. What degree is this? I want this money making degree.

I'm relieved that we only have one on the away. Although it sucks that Ann Curry won't be showing up to interview us about the challenge of raising a single kid in a nation obsessed with litters. How can we compete with Octo-mon, Angelina Jolie's brood, John and Katie and those Duggars? People who don't want to turn their wife's uterus into Grand Central Station are outcasts in this "Breed 'em Big and TV Ready" generation.

Maybe we could just photoshop Josie to look like she's one of 9 kids. We just have to keep the lie going until after an Oprah appearance.

Haunted by youth

After getting my gums worked over, I have to make an appointment my next visit in August. Instead of my usual - whatever time you have open works for me, I end up doing the math thinking how old Josie will be. Plus I have to consider if I'll need mom to come over to watch her. So I go for an afternoon time thinking she'll be napping about then so mom won't have to do much. This becoming a dad thing involves more math and scheduling than managing a hackey sack squad.

Pink Panther first

Not that Josie will be watching cartoons anytime soon after she's born. I'll make sure she keeps he back to the TV set until she's at least a year old. When it comes time to let her watch, I'll start out with Pink Panther cartoons since there's no words in them. Pure visual weirdness for the kid. Plus she'll like the Pink Panther cels hanging on the wall. The good part is that she won't be able to beg for a Panther like she could a cat if we watched Tom and Jerry cartoons.

Potty Time

This morning it hits that toilet training a girl will be slightly easier since I won't have to explain the concept of keeping your focus while you aim. I'll only have to teach the Fonzie method of "Sit on it!" And hopefully since it's a girl, she'll grow tall fast so she'll be able to tackle the bowl by age 5 months.

gifts that keep giving

Mom gave me my clown doll from when I want a toy. It's really cute and Josie should enjoy staring at it - I don't want it covered in drool for her first few months. The strange thought is that the doll is 42 years old. When Josie plays with my old fisher-price little people toys at mom's house, she'll be playing with antiques. It would have been like me as an infant playing with stuff from 1924. I don't remember if my Lincoln Logs were steam powered with little coal slots devised by Thomas Edison.

last "quiet" Superbowl

Hard to think that next year I won't be able to get drunk and cuss during the Superbowl. Odds are Josie will be disturbing my viewing. And she's going to be too small to be able to bring me nachos let alone mix up guacamole for all of us. Plus she won't even care about the point spread. and if I have to go to the bathroom, she won't be able to tell me what plays I missed. plus she'll welsh out on any bets with that, "I'm a baby" excuse.