Beats

The experiment last night of just taking the baby to bed when I'm good and ready was a semi-failure. I thought that the power of Jack Lord would put her to sleep. But no. The baby outlasted me on the sofa. Becky had to come down and wake us up to go to bed.

So now we're going to buy the teddy bear that makes in the womb noises to see if it enticed Josie into falling asleep on a space other than my chest. People seem to swear by it.

stomach issues

I know the kid has a tiny stomach so she'll wake up in the middle of the night needing a fix of juice. But she doesn't understand that she can sleep between feedings and diapers. I keep trying to get her interested in the crib, but you can't do much to the crib cause of the whole issue about newborns suffocating on blankets. Maybe if I install a mini-bar and a flat screen, she'll be less prone to whine when dropped on the mat. Although she'll probably complain about us not getting Monster HD.

Why don't kids understand that they must go to bed so that we can be adults for a few minutes before sleep kicks in?

Personality Crisis

I'm really still waiting for Josie's personality to kick in. So far the kid spends most of the day passed out, pooping in her diaper and sucking down drinks.

My kid's a stoner.

Do they have baby rehab? Maybe I can get her booked on Dr. Phil next week? "You can't lie around all day sucking on your mama's teats. The free lunch is over," Dr. Phil would say.

Another tale of the day

Becky sits in the passenger seat of the car. She keeps the pillow over her wet pants. Luckily we hit the beltline before rush hour so there's no completely insane idiots cutting around the highway. We know where to go - the Rex Birthing Center. The problem is we have no clue what's going to happen there. When we finally got a facility tour booked, it was for June 2.

I'm not quite sure of what sort of "package" options they have. Some of these birth centers go out of control with the pleasures. Four star meals, Broadway touring companies and donkey rides could be options. I'm frightened that they'll shift us into the Rockefeller suite with the gold plated stirrups and diamond encrusting puke buckets. Although with my luck we'll get the Clark Rockefeller treatment.

I dump Becky at the front door of the center and head around to the parking deck. She's still not feeling any contractions so I have no need to race inside with her screaming "Medic! Medic!" Instead I slowly walk from the deck with the pressing thought that my afternoons of leisurely working on articles are pretty much over. I'm going to be a dad. I need to start pricing shotguns to keep Marilyn Manson from hitting on my daughter.

Twin day

we're doing our best to let Josie know that she doesn't need to always sleep on my chest. But I was enjoying being a vibrating heating pad. I'm built for comfort. I'm getting jealous of her crib.

While becky's mom watched Josie, we went over to Target. Normally when I go shopping, I rarely run into someone I know. It's like I'm in the witness relocation plan. But on a Monday afternoon I run into two pals. One had his wife and little daughter with him. They were looking for sheets for the girl's first twin bed. The other had just been told his wife is having twins. I guess that's a coincidence. If given the choice, i'd go for the twin beds. I can't imagine two babies sleeping on my chest. I can barely type with one hand.

the day with Josie is reduced to sleep, drink and poop. Once she can surf on the net, Josie will be mini-me with combable hair