shake it up

it used to be easy to entertain the baby by just handing her the little gladware filled with Cheerios. She'd shake it for a while until it was time to feed her a few. Now she knows how to take off the lid. It's like an edible version of 52 Pick Up.

What do the French think?

This morning I give the baby a little banana piece. Barely a nibble and she proceeds to puke like Linda Blair in the Exorcist. Except instead of pea soup, i'm getting the milk she drank earlier. And it's not merely milk, it's turned into some sort of internal fused cheese product that smell hideous. I'm not sure, but I'm guessing there ought to be some sort of freaky foodies who have come up with recipes involving "Baby Gut Cheese." I however will never partake in such a meal. Something are meant to be hosed off you and into the gutter. Although if "Baby Gut Cheese" sells for $400 an ounce, I'm putting the baby to work for the Sicko Secret Dinner Club.

After a vacation with children, you need a vacation from children.

Lesson 1 of Raised By Wolves Technique

Treat the child with the level of responsibility that they can really understand. Don't act like your one year old somehow has all the insight and understanding that you do. Don't delude yourself into thinking they are somehow as smart as your five year old dog. They may look human, but they aren't. Don't think a system of reasoning and punishment is going to really work. Distract the baby works better than your five minute rant and threats of time out space.

Although if you want them to understand your displeasure, bare your teeth and growl at them. Then make them stare at a shiny object.

The ultimate thing that comes out of punishing a small child is them growing up to be regulars at fetish clubs in the finest basements across America. Do you want your grown child to pay a stranger $200 an hour to spank them while they wear a diaper?

jealous much?

Neil Patrick Harris has hinted he might retire from acting in order to raise his upcoming twins.

Why are famous people envying my life as a stay at home dad? Sure I gave up my massive career in video production to make sure my baby gets her life started off right. But this isn't for every guy. I've got things working for me. My life of working with bi-polar high strung bosses has made me able to handle the baby's fits. My days in a noise band allows me to tolerate screaming for hours. My ability to zone out while making eye contact is reassuring to the kid. And I don't mind watching Sesame Street at various times of the day.

Does Neil Patrick Harris really think he has the skills? Consider this an open invitation for Neil Patrick Harris to come over to my house for "Joe Corey's Raised By Wolves Babycare Techniques."

One Less Worry

I feel good that I'm still a few years away from worrying about the baby's text message charges.

Name That Tune

For a while the baby has been going "Baaaahhh bahhhh." We kept thinking it was "Baa Baa Black Sheep" so we sing along with her. She gives us an odd eye, but plays along. Last night we're watching Jeopardy when it comes time for the final round. The baby starts her "Baaaahh baaahh" sing-song while the contestants write out their questions. That's right, at 15 months, the baby has identified the thinking theme song. Hope Alex Trebek is proud.