The Star

Shot more video of the baby for the short weirdness series. The kid is a star. Well at least she's a sense of staring at the camera. Soon as she learns how to lie, I'll get her a gig as a junior reporter at Fox News.

That voice

While I was watching the Today Show, Josie became intrigued by the voice of Carrie Fisher on the Today Show. She was pushing her one woman show on Broadway. She seemed really into watching Princess Leia talk. It was like she heard a relative.

day 1

it takes a village idiot to distract a child

Me and the Baby

Becky is gone until Friday on a business trip. This mean I'm left with the baby all week. What will I do? The kid will destroy me. She smells fear, blood and Jack Daniels. I need to remember check the computer to keep her from online gambling. And I need to remember to feed her.

I'm going to be so happy when she gets home.

Now that's interesting

Whenever you're talking to a four month old baby, at some point in the conversation, you'll get to say, "This happened before you were born" to pretty much every situation.

new haircut baby

still getting used to her new hair. she'll stick out at Juniper Creek.

This way

Josie is now extra active on her rotating seat. I keep calling her Tank Girl. I hope being compared to Lori Petty isn't considered verbal child abuse.

arrow please

can Gerber put a "this end up" arrow on the Nuk nipples?

she's bigger!

Four month check up and Josie and she's now 2 feet tall and 15 pounds. She's going to be bigger than the turkey by Thanksgiving.

She also got more shots. They gave her Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck band-aids. Seems they understand what her dad likes to see on the kid.

Tank Girl

I'm amazed at how much Josie likes the new playset we got her for $5 off Craigslist It's circular and you put the kid in the middle on a seat. It has a plastic floor beneath her so she's not able to push it around the house. But she can rotate the turret like a pro. I think we'll have to send her to Fort Knox for Armored training.

silent and deadly

for the longest time, I could always tell when Josie was pooping. Her face would strain and there would be a popping noise. It was easy to just mark that moment, give her five minutes to finish up and change her. But not she's in a stealth dumping mode. I don't realize it until the smell hits me. And the worst part is if I had been bouncing her on my lap cause then it leaks out the top. It's as nasty as I thought it would be.

Now I have to figure out her new signs of pooping. It's like retooling a Poker champ's tell signs after they've had a stroke.

active furniture

we bought a standing rocker for Josie so she can get used to walking before she can get the power. the nice part is we can put stuff on it and use it as a coffeetable,

Hmmmm

We're at Babysrus looking at the toys that are supposed to excite babies. There's colorful cartoon characters and animals. But you know what gets a 3 month old baby excited? An exposed breast gets their attention everytime. Why can't they work that into a playmat?

a peek into the future

sat next to a girl a few years older than Josie. I learned how to push plates out of her reach and that no french is safe from a kid with 8 teeth.

Big Baby

I can't wait for next week when we get a measurement on Josie cause the kid is huge - not Will and Amy baby huge (the one year old wears 2 year old clothes). But she's getting to be a stringbean at 4 months. Luckily she can still fit in her swing chair. She seems to like the rocking motion. It reminds her of her early days.....

Lunch with Uncle Matt

Matt called up to see if I wanted to have lunch and bring the baby along. It was $5.99 boneless wings and fries at Hooters. The Hooters girls do adore babies. They were all bending over and seeing the baby. And my soda never got too low. Baby cries if daddy goes without his drink.

Booze with the baby

In my continuing effort to prove that I'm a cool dad, I took Josie to meet Dan Aykroyd. There she was in the presence of the man who gave us the Coneheads, Elwood Blues and Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute. She naturally has zero idea who he is, but in 15 years, she's going to think he's cool. Of course she'll also think it was cool that I took her into a liquor store since he was signing his vodka that comes in a skull bottle. Something about a father-daughter trip to the liquor store that makes me think my small slice of Irish heritage is taking over my life.

I guess the line is drawn in front of the Wicked Livin' Adult Video store when Ron Jeremy comes to town. Although if the baby did puke while we were waiting in line, it might be the least disgusting thing to spill onto the floor.

Swim team

The baby has figured out how to squirm off her playmat and flip herself over onto her stomach. She's not too good moving in that position although she can keep her head up for quite a bit of time. Seems she's more adept at the backstroke than the dogpaddle when it comes to being locomotive.

Not a Fan of the Huggies

They call them Huggies, but the baby's poop spilled out through the side of the leg part. I'll be happy when we run out of them so we can get back to the Pampers which so far have been my favorites. Nothing too nasty has leaked - unless it was cause I didn't stick 'em together right at 4 a.m.

Disney Movie Endings Spoiled

Startime

To the Back?

Becky's grandmother bought us a pack of Huggies for our stay at the lake. Instead of baby Sesame Street characters, they have the cute animals from Winnie-the-Pooh as babies as the diaper art. Why does Pooh have to be a baby? Isn't he already child-like enough? The strange thing is that they have Tigger on the rump. This is confusing at 4 a.m. since it would be more natural to have Winnie as the icon for the Pooh side of the diaper.

Sleeping All Night?

I put Josie to bed a little after midnight and fell asleep. In what I thought was the middle of the night, Josie howls. She's up. And I look at the clock. It's 7:11 a.m. She slept until I was supposed to wake up. And she woke up at the right time to promote the fine products of 7-Eleven. They don't have those in Raleigh anymore. It stinks cause I do like getting collector cups when I go to the Outer Banks.

Why don't they make a Similac Slurpee so that we can both enjoy sucking away in the afternoon?

double the effort

Sony ought to come up with a Onesie that features the buttons for Playstation 3 on the back. This way you can hold the baby and play Gears of War 2. Kill demon thingies while burping the baby. Men will have an excuse to hold a baby without looking like a sissy. You can't do it with a Wii cause there's a chance you'll hurl the baby at the flat screen during a game of tennis.

Normal sleep

During our vacation up at the lake, we allowed my mother-in-law to keep Josie over night. It was strange to put her in a different car and wave to her as they drove away. But we need a little vacation during the vacation. The bad part was that I didn't sleep through the night. I woke up at the same usual times and caught myself staring at the end of the bed where she wasn't since we also gave her the packnplay. After waking up and having breakfast, I felt myself jonesing for the kid.

The good part was she wasn't a menace to the mother-in-law. there were no real horror stories - except them trying to snap together the packnplay. It was good to hold her again. although that didn't last too long since I then went downstairs to admire the 65 inch high-def set. That could have been Josie.

How Fashionable

This season's ultimate accessory is "baby drool." It'll be hotter than the Snuggie

14 weeks

Hard to think that it's only been 14 weeks since the baby popped out. She's getting big now. She's too big to put in the microwave so my nightmare of hippies babysitting and microwaving the baby and putting the turkey in the crib have passed.

She's starting to drool so during the day I just stick a bib on her no matter what she's wearing. I think we should all wear bibs during the day - even if they aren't illustrated with a lobster. Although I do look forward to the day we can sit on the deck and smash apart a lobster together. Just have to make sure she doesn't eat the gills.

knotty problem

two things Josie did inherit from me are my cowlicks - the cowlicks I had when I had hair. She's got one up front and one in the back. I have this sad feeling that if she ever dyes her hair red, she'll look like Woody Woodpecker. Best not make her wear a blue sweater.