The Escalator Disaster

Josie made her first viral video - she's on the left being held by the wife. She's wearing a pink hat.

Video: L'Enfant Plaza Escalator Malfunction: MyFoxDC.com

sick

why is it when you're feeling sick, the baby knows exactly when to come over and poke your nose?

Those eyes

While driving back from lunch, I caught Josie giving me a Kubrick stare. I need to videotape this gaze.

Oops

It's only funny when little kids fall because they haven't that far to drop.

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Her Life of Crime

I'm not saying my daughter is turning into Lindsay Lohan, but today during the Rhyme Time at the Library she found a little zebra figure and refused to give it up. None of the other kids or parents seemed concerned. But I asked around the nearby mommies and nobody claimed it. Thus I decided to not spend the next two hours listening to Josie scream for the return of her precious zebra.

After it was over, I asked the librarian in charge if any mothers were asking about the zebra. Turns out it had been abandoned in the room a couple days before. Thus I allowed Josie to take it home. Figure we'll take it to the next Rhyme Time to see if any parent claims it. Why not make my kid a movable Lost and Found box?

I hope TMZ doesn't find out about this.

should I be annoyed that the baby says "Steve!" when watching Blue's Clue, but never gets excited when Joe is on the episode?

truth of the comb

I'm going to come out and confess that most of the time my toddler's hair looks like a rat's nest. I've had a shaved head for over a decade. It's been a while since I've been able to run a comb through what was left of my hair. I don't wake up and give my dome a brushing. So naturally I don't think much about doing it to the baby. Which isn't a good thing.

The easy answer is to raise the kid a Rasta. But I don't know if I can handle that much jerk sauce in my kitchen.

Guess I must retrain myself to carrying about hair being properly groomed. This is the bad part about being a dad since we didn't have to comb or brush GI Joe's life-like hair. And Ken had plastic hair so it didn't matter. I'm so helpless on this. Maybe we should get father-daughter matching haircuts so that she can go as that bald woman from Star Trek: The Motion Picture for Halloween?

hint?

Lately the toddler has been running around the house clutching a copy of Jim Thompson's "The Killer Inside Me." Should I be scared at this random weirdness?

Ouch - Me Edition

The baby got excited while finishing up her bath. I was leaning in to wrap the towel around her when she jumped up and nailed my lip with her head. Now I've got a swollen lip for the evening.

Why doesn't the press cover the trauma and stigma of parents abused by toddlers? Why do they give a 20 month old baby a free ride in the world of dishing out abuse? Where is MSNBC's expose on the parents who have been harmed the most by toddlers? Nobody sticks up for the parents of head butting babies.

BOOM

I think the baby has destroyed my wireless keyboard. She decided to slam it against the coffeetable so the batteries flew out of it. Now it seems to only type A. She's only five keyboards behind me.

Ouch

A woman from Alaska thought it would be smart to have her 10 year old videotaping her methods of punishing a kid to air on Dr. Phil. She forced the boy to take hits of hot sauce and take a cold shower to give him discipline. Naturally the authorities have now charged her for child abuse since she provided evidence via a nationally syndicated show.

I don't think hot saucing a kid is a smart move since it might turn them into Cajuns. What parent wants to wake up and discover their children are secretly watching Southern Comfort and not rooting for the National Guardsmen?

And cold showers in Alaska? This increases the chances of that child being a Polar Bear. She's not fixing anything with her punishment methods. She's merely helping this child spend the rest of his life looking for kinky activities on Craigslist.

The mother's lawyer claimed that sometimes she gets overwhelmed by raising 6 kids. Trouble is the boy and his twin brother were adopted from Russia when they were 5 years old. She went out and bought her problems. One second you want to share your love, but when things don't turn out perfect, you hit it with a bottle of Texas Pete like a weak Taco Bell burrito. That's not a mothering skill.