We're watching a Lamaze video and Oprah shows up to tell us about the joy of having a baby and how it changes our life. Great, but she ain't got no kids keeping her up with feedings every three hours. She's got dogs that seem to die in freak accidents. She tells us that giving attention is important to the baby. No kidding. Cause I figured that shortly after Josie arrives, she's going to ask for the car keys and head down to the mall to check out the latest Blackberries so she can text message all her friends from the hospital nursery.
If Oprah is so concerned about us having maximum time to bond with the baby, maybe she could give us $10 million. We could quit working and make sure the kid gets around the clock attention from us or the staff of the Swiss boarding school that I'll be able to afford with Oprah's generous grant. I think it's important that newborn babies are exposed to the smell of fine chocolates. And if Oprah withholds funds, Josie can go next door to work assembling Swiss Army knives.
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