The Doom feeling

During Christmas dinner at my folks place, my sister-in-law starts going on a rant about how much it cost to deliver my nephew Will and how much baby formula costs. And I'm sitting there entire time feeling that this was somehow a terrible mistake. That I'm in no position to raise a kid. The sister-in-law asks Becky when we're going to buy a bigger house and register for baby gifts. A bigger house?

I found myself not quite doing math, but just that horrifying moment where I realize that my slacker lifestyle has made me worse off than a Franciscan monk. Those guys probably have 401Ks. At least they haven't burnt their salaries being dedicated followers of today's now fashions. What do I have? I haven't held a job that will qualify me to earn more than what it costs for daycare. And since Google killed the Butterbean fund, this is no longer an option outside of entertaining the masses for free. (By the way: The curse of the Butterbean has already taken effect. Instead of getting cash bonuses, Google serfs are being given the company's new cellphone for Christmas. A buggy phone is so much better than cash.)

Sure it costs a bit of money to have a kid. How the hell do poor people have kids that grow up to become captains of industry or at least NFL cornerbacks? Maybe I need to focus on doing a TV show called Joe and his 20 kids. The trick being that I just use CGI effects to make copies of the Butterbean. Or keep claiming that the other 19 babies are just off camera? Seeing how they're babies, they can almost all look the same for the early episodes. It's only later that I'd have to work some make up magic and give Butterbean a variety of looks using fake mustaches, beards and hippie wigs.

Maybe it pisses me off to hear my sister-in-law whine about how much a baby costs when a) she just had my brother buy a McMansion and b) she's knocked up again.

I have decided that in the next few weeks I must get a draft done of "The Boss's Son" - my script about a mobster's only son. This sort of freakish stuff seems to sell since it has a hitman dressed as a priest. This will be the new Butterbean fund.